


Don't leave me alone

by Notapsyhopath



Category: Star Wars
Genre: Angst, F/M, Some Fluff, Some blood but nothing graphic, basically making my smol child suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 00:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6494239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notapsyhopath/pseuds/Notapsyhopath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a angsty/fluffy Ben Solo fic.<br/>It's my first fic ever so I hope you enjoy. Comments are always welcome :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't leave me alone

Nudge.  
Another nudge.  
(Y/N) opened her eyes, and looked around to find the source of the annoying pokes. She found herself staring into dark, chocolate coloured eyes surrounded by unruly black locks of hair. She instantly recognised the face and embraced the figure before her, falling out of her bed and onto the boy that was surprised by the sudden move.  
“Ben! You came back!”  
(Y/N) screamed out in pure joy, and instantly covered her mouth with her hand as she noticed what time it was.  
“What are you doing in my room at 3A.M.?” she asked him, happiness overwhelming her when she pulled him into a tight hug again.  
“I came to visit for a couple days, but the base changed so much I only remembered where your house is” “And I wanted to see you”, Ben thought, too shy to admit it out loud.  
(Y/N) couldn’t believe it. Her best friend she thought she would never see again was in her room, hugging her as if he never wanted to let her go. “I’ll take you to the guest quarters in the base, and you can say ‘hi’ to everyone else in the morning, okay? Your Mother will be so happy!” That statement clouded Ben’s vision, as if he just remembered something unpleasant. (Y/N), not wanting to see him even a little unhappy, grabbed him by the hand and pulled him out of her room and into the corridor going in the direction of the front door. Ben felt his memories flooding into his mind, this corridor, these stairs, that picture on the wall of (A/N) and her parents with Leia, all those familiar things he knew so well. The sound of (A/Y)’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “Come on, just be quiet. And close your eyes. I want to show you something before you go” she giggled, making Ben smile a little.  
(Y/N) guided him to a small pond just outside of the base, a place they went to every time they wanted to talk or just stargaze, in the forest near her home they used to play in as kids. “Okay, open your eyes!” she said in a excited voice, as she knew deep inside he will recognise the place instantly.  
But (Y/N) got a different reaction to what she expected. Ben turned to face her, took her hand, and said “I’ve missed you so much…” His voice was so full of sadness, and emotion, and something she couldn’t even describe, that she could almost feel tears well up in her eyes as she squeezed his hand reassuringly, and after a long moment of them just looking at each other, remembering all the times they lied together in the grass looking at the stars, or run around the forest fighting imaginary enemies with sticks, or simply talked about things they would never mention to anyone else she took his other hand, and finally replied. “Me too” she whispered, her voice almost inaudible as if she was holding back sobs. “You were gone for so long and no word came, I though you would never come back from the Jedi training! I was so lonely and I-“ (Y/N) felt all her feelings welling up, and cried out loud, tears pooling in her eyes “I felt like I died a little every day, thinking you were gone from my life!” and with that she started sobbing into his Jedi training robes, and he held her not saying anything, his own eyes closed, trying to fight off the tears threatening to fall.  
Finally, after stars know how long, (Y/N)’s knees gave in and she kneeled on the ground, Ben right beside her. They stayed like this, holding each other and focusing on the leaves rustling delicately and their quiet heartbeats that only they heard.  
After couple moments, (Y/N) stood up and still holding Ben’s hand, said “Let’s head back.” Ben got up to his feet and silently nodded, following her back to the base.  
(Y/N) showed him to the guest quarters and started to leave, but suddenly turned around and ran back, as if she remembered something important. She hugged him tightly once more, and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Thank you” she said, and started running back home. “Thank you” whispered Ben, and instinctively touched his cheek. 

(Y/N) woke up in the morning, and the memories of last night hit her. She went downstairs and greeted her parents, one of the most trusted people and best friends General Leia Organa had. (Y/N) picked up an apple and yelled a quick “good bye” to her parents as she went out of the house.  
She walked around the base for a moment, enjoying the cold, morning air and the refreshing wind blowing through her hair.  
Meanwhile, Ben was still in the guest quarters, not wanting to go out and see anyone accept for (Y/N). Finally he got up from the bed, and opened the door scaring a random pilot walking outside of his room. The news of Ben quickly spread around the base and soon Leia was embracing her son, telling him how much he grew and how he is more handsome than she remembered and how his hair is longer… All the things moms say, but all he could think of was leaving this crowd and going back to the pond to see (Y/N). He missed his mother too, but he also saw her more often than (Y/N), as she visited him whilst he was training with Luke. Unfortunately, Leia couldn’t tell her or her parents where she was going, as Luke wanted to keep the planet he trained Ben and couple more young Jedi-to-be on secret. The last time he saw (Y/N) was 3 years ago, on her birthday. He visited her, and the look on her face when he walked into her house as a “birthday surprise” is one of his best memories. Leia finally let him go, and after she got a brief description of his journey to the base, and after explaining to her why didn’t he go to her after he landed, he was free to go. He started walking towards the pond he saw just a couple hours before, and even though it was probably not even five hours before, it felt like ages.  
Elsewhere, (Y/N) was meandering around slowly, and without even thinking about it headed towards the forest and the pond. She entered her and Ben’s hideout, and sat on a log enjoying the peacefulness of the scenery. She loved going here, even after Ben left, the place just emanated with happy memories of countless days and nights spent there with Ben. She moved her hand along the log, looking for a mark he once made when he got his father’s blaster and tried shooting with it, missing the bottle that they placed on the log every time, almost hitting (Y/N) once and hitting the log in that one spot that left a burnt out hole on the surface of the bark. She found it and smiled at the memory of the day Ben’s father finally let him hold his blaster, and how excited they were.  
(Y/N) closed her eyes and still smiling, sat on the log for a long moment, listening to birds singing in the trees above her. Then she heard another sound. Footsteps.  
“I thought you might be here…” she heard the person say and opened her eyes.  
“Good morning, Ben.” she replied, and remembering something she wanted to tell him she quickly added “There is a very nice spot about twenty minutes in that direction. Do you want to go there?” she asked him, and after seeing him nod slightly stood up and grabbed his hand. She guided him to the place she found a couple weeks ago, and soon they were sitting on a meadow filled with flowers. They talked for couple moments about Ben’s morning, but after sometime they felt silent. (Y/N) started picking flowers that grew nearby, and started sticking them in Ben’s hair, and after seeing her “masterpiece” she started giggling uncontrollably. Soon both Ben and her were rolling around laughing, and lied in the grass for a long time talking about everything and nothing.  
Before long it was lunch time and they went back to the base to get something to eat and maybe take some snacks so that they can stay on the meadow longer. They came back to their newfound hideaway, somewhere only they knew and only they would go.  
As the hours passed they told each others countless stories, about their childhood memories of times spent together, or about what (Y/N) did on the base while Ben was gone, or what Ben hat to go through as a young padawan. The sun began to set, and the sky was painted orange and yellow and red, clouds turned salmon, and the sun itself turned bloody. Sunset was (Y/N)'s favourite time of day, the colours were beautiful, but more importantly sun setting meant stars soon would come out, and she could stargaze with Ben. It was one of her best memories - Ben and her lying on the grass, looking up and silently staring at the wide night sky filled with millions of stars, all scattered across the curtain of darkness. They never said anything, because nothing was to be said. It was a happy and serene moment, undisturbed by anything or anyone.  
And so the night came, along with its millions of shimmering lights. Ben lied next to (Y/N), and fixed his gaze on her. She looked as if she was deep in thought, and though he was too shy to admit it, she also looked beautiful. Actually, she looked like that all the time. “If only I was able to tell her that” he thought. He looked back up at the stars, silently pleading them for help, for any glimmer that would give him the strength to tell her what was troubling him since yesterday night. He started: “(Y/N)?”  
“Yeah?” came the immediate response. He considered something for a moment, and just when he wanted to say everything he planned out in his head, he felt a familiar feeling of doubt grasping him, making him unable to say anything. “What is it?” asked (Y/N), this time looking down on him. He looked her in the eyes, but finally only muttered a quick “Nevermind” and looked away. She kept gazing at him for a little longer, but seeing nothing in his long, pale face she looked back up and quickly drowned in her own thoughts.  
After a long time, maybe hours, Ben spoke again only to mumble something about going back and the late hour. (Y/N) agreed and they headed off back to the base, but she stopped in their childhood hideout and grabbed Ben’s arm. “What happened?” she asked, clearly feeling something was troubling her friend.  
“Is it about yesterday?” she sputtered out, and without waiting for a answer, she decided she had to talk to him about it here and now.  
“Well if it is, I just wanted to tell you that all I said was true, and even though I was very tired I still knew exactly what I was saying. I hate watching you leave Ben, it’s like losing a part of myself! I-“ she stopped to take a breath, and just as she wanted to carry on Ben turned quickly towards her, grabbed her arms, and kissed her.  
She was so surprised, but she admitted she wanted that to happen for far too long now. She felt so happy, and when they parted Ben looked at her with his dark eyes and hugged her tighter than he ever did. “Believe me” he said in a hushed voice “I hate leaving you too” and with that he turned around, holding her hand, and started slowly heading towards the base with her. 

Suddenly, they both heard a very loud noise, that sounded like an explosion. That was an explosion… and it happened way too close. Ben stopped and looked back at (Y/N) with alarmed eyes. “What was that?” he asked, only to hear people shouting and… Blasters firing.  
(Y/N), needing no further persuasion, started instantly running towards the noise, with Ben still holding her hand. He pulled her back and said, shouted so that she could hear him over the noise of the battle nearby “You can’t be thinking about going back there! There is a fight going on, and neither your parents nor me would like to see you in the middle of it!”  
“I have to go there to help them, and to make sure my parents are okay! I can handle a blaster, don’t worry!” (Y/N) shouted back, trying to free herself of his grip at the same time. Finally, he answered “No! You stay here, I will go back and check on everybody!” and as he started running, he could hear (Y/N) following him despite his objection. He knew she was to stubborn to argue with, and even when he was concerned about her, he had to admit she was very good at handling a blaster.  
They soon reached the edge of the forest, and (Y/N) thanked the stars silently that their spot was not visible from the base itself. Another big explosion ripped her from her thoughts, and looking around she noticed crate with blasters near a hangar. She looked at Ben and gave him a half-hearted smile, after which she dashed to the crate. Ben sprinted after her, and grabbed one of the blasters from inside the crate. 

The events that played after were all a blur to him. The enemies turned out to be some kind of swoop gang, which only made him more worried as those tended to be full of mercenaries and skilled fighters. He remembered shooting his blaster at a group of gang members, but as usual he was no good with his aim. He started panicking as he noticed that (Y/N) wasn’t where he last saw her, and started looking around looking for her.  
Meanwhile, (Y/N) was shooting at the same group of enemies Ben tried to fight, but with better aim. Soon three of the attacks were hit, but that only caught the attention of others fighting nearby, and (Y/N) started to realise she had better chances if she retreated to a hangar or at least hid somewhere. She almost reached the crates stacked near the X-wing when she was hit. The biggest pain she ever felt radiated all over her body from the left side of her stomach, but adrenaline did it’s job and killed it a little bit, just enough for her not to collapse. Her thoughts were racing, and she started running as fast as she could to the only place she could think of. She reached the edge of the forest shortly.  
Ben saw (Y/N) run towards the forest, and immediately jumped up from where he was hiding and dashed after her. “What caused her to run away?” Ben unwillingly thought, which made his anxiety grow even bigger. To his dismay he found out soon after, when he found small but visible blood spatters on the concrete that covered this part of the base’s ground.  
He followed the track but after a few seconds he already noticed where he was going. “Our secret hideout” was the only thought in his mind, and the sight before him would forever stay in his mind, even after years that passed he still remembered it vividly, like it was yesterday.  
Pale and unmoving, (Y/N) was lying on the forest floor, face down, giving no signs of life. Ben rushed to her side and picked her up cradling her in his arms.  
(Y/N) slowly opened her eyes, and stared at Ben, at her dearest friend. He could sense her sadness and fear, and he was despairing over the fact that for the first time in his life, he didn’t know how to comfort her.  
She gently touched his hand, and he took her’s in response, begging her silently to tell him everything will be somehow okay. No such words came from her, instead she said something completely different, something he didn’t want to hear coming from her, ever.  
“I can’t believe that I am the one to leave you alone in the end…” she winced quietly as she shifted slightly in his arms. “I’m so sorry…” she added and closed her eyes. Tears started falling down from her eyes, onto her cheeks and Ben’s hands after.  
“Shhhhhhhh…” he spoke, holding back his own tears. “You will be alright, you will be fine. It’s fine, you are okay…” he cooed, not knowing if he was talking more to her or himself, when she opened her eyes again, and looked up at the sky. Her gaze moved back to him, and she used all the strength she had left to lift her head up and give him the gentlest peck on the lips when she fell back into his arms, exhausted by the movement.  
Ben held her even tighter when she embraced him with her arms. Her body felt so cold, as if she was already leaving this life, something Ben regretted thinking about when he felt his own tears escape.  
(Y/N)’s breath, already laboured, grew shallower and shallower, and finally she uttered “I’ll love you always Ben”  
He held her after, gently cradling her in his arms and caressing her hand with his thumb, still softly mumbling reassuring words, when after what felt like years her breath finally stopped and he could feel the force shifting around as it left her. He did not move. He did not speak. He just sat there, (Y/N) in his arms, until he could no longer hear the fight, and the first rays of sunshine could be seen in the distance.  
Leia and a couple resistance fighters found Ben there, and stood in shock and grief for a long while. Later, in the infirmary as the doctor asked him questions about the blood on his robes he could not help but shed a few tears at the slightest memory of (Y/N), he simply could not believe she was not there anymore.  
He felt the loneliness embrace him again, and this time he knew it would stay there, forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so here you go. I'm open for requests, so if you have an idea in mind just comment and I'll try to write it! Thank you for reading :)


End file.
